If you are acquainted with the Australian television show about a Blue Heeler dog family, you get the “for real life” reference. The show Bluey is wonderful for kids (and adults!). Bluey celebrates family life by recognizing the high value of quality time within a family and highlighting diversity in various roles within a family. (I.e. Mom and Dad both work, both participate in roles at home, and are both involved in their kids’ lives).
Bluey is one of my kids’ favorite shows, and they typically watch one before bed. I tell you about Bluey in honor of my son—since he has a lot to do with this post—and because I think it’s so cute when kids say, “for real life.”
Your Foundation When the Threat is Real
Okay, so… Two newsletters ago, I wrote about what to do with intrusive thoughts. You learned some things about me: You learned I lay awake at night worrying our house will burn down or my kids will get really sick. You learned that even though I work with clients on alleviating or coping with intrusive thoughts, I often feel like a fraud, because I deal with them, too. And you learned that I long to truly trust the Lord but also that we have physical, cognitive, and tangible strategies for dealing with intrusive thoughts.
Something I often ask clients is, “What is the worst-case scenario, the best case, and the likely case?” More often than not, the likely case scenario is either neutral with not-horrible outcomes and/or is fairly close to the best case.
BUT… What about when the worst case does happen? The thief breaks in, your house burns down, the diagnosis is cancer, you lose your job, or you actually do have to call the ambulance for your kid in the middle of the night. Sometimes awful things really do happen.
In these situations and many others, it feels like, THIS ACTUALLY IS THE WORST CASE SCENARIO! But… is it?
Your answer hinges on your foundation. In the midst of this horrible circumstance, do you trust in someone or something that will fail you? Or will that someone or something prevail for you? I ask myself, do I trust in the God who fights for his people (Romans 8:31)? Is He my foundation? Or is a curable cancer, a house full of things, a stable job, healthy kids, are those things hold me fast? We must decide.
My “For Real Life”
A couple of weeks ago, my son developed a barking cough, and I thought, “Maybe I should sleep in his room tonight.” But I didn’t. I counted his breaths before I went to bed and checked his temperature, which was slightly high. But I erred on the wrong side, I guess and slept in my own bed.
Around 12:30 in the morning, we heard our 4.5-year-old son sobbing and coughing and screaming, “I’m so hot, I’m so hot!” I ran upstairs and beheld my son struggling to breathe and sweating profusely. Every breath in was a wheeze, and every breath out was a cough. He couldn’t catch his breath, and his temperature was 102.2. Marty was right behind me and I told him to call 911, which he did immediately.
Long story short, the ambulance came, and the EMTs helped Thomas steady his breathing, checked his vitals, etc.. Of course, they recommended going to the hospital. So into the night went my husband and son. He was diagnosed with croup and received a steroid which helped him turn a corner quickly. The next few days involved sleeping, fluids, and temperature checking. I’ve never seen my little guy like that.
So, it happened, right? I had intrusive thoughts when I went to bed about what might happen to Thomas in the night. And some of those things happened. His temperature escalated, his breathing was distressed, and I didn’t know if he would be okay. In the end, he was okay, so you could argue that the worst case didn’t happen, right? He didn’t die. But in this situation, calling an ambulance for my son felt like absolutely the worst-case scenario.
Do Real, Bad Outcomes Validate Intrusive Thoughts?
Does that mean everything I previously wrote is null and void? In my first piece on intrusive thoughts, I argued that we don’t have to live as if our intrusive thoughts are going to come true, since they are often based on only perceived danger (and not actual danger). So, did it all just come untrue for me?
No. It did not. When I have intrusive thoughts, I will still use therapeutic strategies integrated with my faith and trust in God. I will still not assume the worst is on its way.
I didn’t prove myself wrong, because “the best case scenario” is not my end game. “Everything working out” may be what I hope for, and it may be what happens more often than not, but it isn’t where I place my trust. I know that everything is not always okay, and I’m okay with that because I don’t sustain myself. God sustains me, and he won’t stop. He will always remain, even if or when everything else shatters (Matthew 7:24-27).
Sometimes the worst happens…I’ve had a number of “worst case scenarios” come to fruition, but I will never tire of saying that Jesus never failed me, nor will he ever. When our foundation is Christ, even the worst-case scenarios do not defeat. Joy is possible even when our hearts are sorrowful.
Today, I’ll leave you with these precious truths which are helpful for me to meditate on when I’m downright scared:
“Where shall I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me. Your right hand will hold me fast,” (Psalm 139:7-8).
“Oh give thanks to the Lord for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever,” (Psalm 107:1).
“You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy…I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world,” (John 16:20,33).
“And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together,” (Colossians 1:17).
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit,” (Psalm 34:18).
These aren’t just nice platitudes, and Christ isn’t just a crutch in hard times. A crutch makes walking easier when you’re wounded and healing,and I don’t claim that Christ makes situations easier. Rather, he is the foundation that provides stability and joy amdist even our deepest wounds and most difficult journey of healing.
Recommendations:
A favorite theologian and writer is Tim Challies, and you can find his website here. You’ll find his own blog as well as many other recommended resources. He recently came out with a book on grief, influenced by his own significant experience of loss. It’s on my queue to order!
One of my favorite writers and voices in current culture, including the pro-life/whole-life convictions is Karen Swallow Prior. You can find her website here.
Lastly…
Do you have an espresso machine that you love? If so, talk to me. Tell me which model it is and why you love it, please! I’m trying to find a user-friendly, affordable, and well-made model for our coming-sometime-in-2023-coffee bar. :)
Dear Kelly
Thanks for writing this encouraging message.
Many people are going through and will go through “For real life” and we have too!
Loved this post and was reminded of your words several times these week as I was working in the Clinic!
“Sometimes the worst happens…I’ve had a number of “worst case scenarios” come to fruition, but I will never tire of saying that Jesus never failed me, nor will he ever. When our foundation is Christ, even the worst-case scenarios do not defeat. Joy is possible even when our hearts are sorrowful.”
Oh Kelly, I’m so encouraged by your writing today! After reading your blog I found myself singing ‘Firm Foundation’ by Cody Carnes. My favourite is the second verse and I think it correlates well with the message you’re trying to covey here ♥️