The past two years have been a bit of a physical awakening for me. Many of you followed along with me in my journey as a runner. And honestly, I’ve been so hyped and grateful for how the challenge of running influenced my mindset about my body. Most of my life, I surrendered to the urge to hate the shape of me, but finally (it was SUCH a long time coming), in the last several years, I got it–this idea that God gave me a beautiful, capable body, and I owe it gratitude instead of hate. I could go on, but really, you can just read more about it here in my previous post, “Calling All Body Haters.”
The goal…
Two years ago, the goal was to run a 5K. This year, I want to do a pull-up by the end of 2025. Can I do it? Yes I can! (if you cheer me on).
When I made this goal, I knew I’d need help. The last time I seriously attempted a pull-up was when I was forced to do so in middle school PE class. Poor adolescent and teenage Kelly probably cried in bed the night before assessment days in PE class. For her, almost nothing was more humiliating than not measuring up physically. (Far too much value was placed on BMI.) If only she could have the grace for herself that I have for her now.
I digress.
Moving from a place of only being able to hang from a bar to completing one single pull-up will be hard work, I’m aware of this. And I didn’t know where to start. So I connected with the personal trainer at my gym.
The scary thing…
A personal trainer? Yikes! Several years ago, I’d be caught dead before meeting with a personal trainer. I mean, how much more could I embarrass myself, right? But I’m in a new place these days. In the past, working with a trainer would–in my mind–require me to possess impressive strength. But no longer is it about me trying to be some form of worldly perfection; it is about strengthening the body God gave me by learning new skills.
As I processed these things, I asked myself, “Have I ever once expected my clients to come to me and impress me with their mental health?” Obviously that is not my expectation.
Navigating to safety, or our “window of tolerance”
So I had this epiphany that physical training and mental/emotional training are similar. One focuses on building skill and strength physically, while accounting for wounds, scars, and struggles that affect our current physical capabilities. One focuses on building skill, strength, safety, and healing mentally while recognizing similar factors. Personal trainers and counselors must create safe spaces and be safe people for the work to be successful. We cannot grow or heal if we are unsafe, because otherwise our bodies and minds will be in a stress response mode. Safety is a requirement for healthy growth. If our nervous system is activated in a stress response (think fight, flight, freeze, fawn), we will not be able to focus on the task at hand.
In my practice with clients, we focus on three things in the beginning–creating a safe space, improving sleep hygiene (because healthy sleep makes for greater stabilization), and learning regulatory and grounding skills. We work on helping the client learn to navigate from a feeling of unsafe to their “window of tolerance.” When we access wounds, it’s easy to revert to the same stress responses we had when the wound was created. But here, in the present time, processing with each other, we are safe. And so, it is possible to process wounds and trauma while remaining in our window of tolerance.
The night before my first session with my trainer, I had a dream that the gym was full of people. As in, we were squeezing in there together, and everyone was watching me. I woke up feeling sick and wished I hadn’t committed to the training. But I’m not one to no-show or late cancel, so I went. In the van and on the walk to the gym doors, I worked on navigating from my flight response to a regulated response—I moved from far away with anxious thoughts to the present moment. Deep breathing, bilateral stimulation paired with truth statements, and orienting myself to the stars above me. As I regulated, I told myself what I tell my clients, “Do it scared.” Whether we’re scared or confident, we can still do the same things. And it ended up being a new, exciting, and growing experience for which I’m grateful. I already can do things I couldn’t do previously.
Whether we are scared or confident, no one else knows. And even if they do know, so what? Will that matter a day from now? A week from now? A year? Nope. So, do it scared; do it uncomfortable; do it lacking confidence.
It helps to invite Jesus in, too…
Recently I re-read through the four Gospels, with Annie F. Downs’s, Let’s Read the Gospels journal, and as I think on “Do it scared,” I am reminded of when Jesus sends out the disciples in groups of two. He directs them not to take anything with them: no money, no extra clothes, no pre-booked lodging plans. They are simply to find these things when they arrive in a town (Read the account in Matthew 10 here.)
Essentially: Take nothing with you, except your faith.
How would you feel? I can physically feel it as I think about it. Rocks in the pit of my stomach, nauseous, probably ready to cry. But also, brave and trusting. Holding on, white-knuckled, to my faith in God is all that would push me past the starting line, but the important thing is that I’d go.
And the best part for the disciples was, and for us is, that Jesus continually intercedes for us (Read more about that in Romans 8 here). He knows what we need and when we need it, before we even know (or ever know). Whether it’s taking care of the body he’s given us through achieving fitness goals or whether it’s preaching the Gospel, God does promise to be with us.
So come on and do it scared. And just know, doing it with faith in Christ will make it a lot less scary.
Do it scared together…
Maybe you are right there with me, and you want to be healthier and stronger physically through fitness goals. Perhaps you know you’d benefit from counseling and improving your mental health and/or working through traumas and stressors. Or maybe it’s something different–you need a new job, you’re pregnant and don’t want to be, you’ve miscarried the baby you’ve waited so long for, maybe you’re heartbroken as you move to a new place, maybe you’re lonely and want to make friends, maybe you’ve been excluded, maybe you need better sleep, or maybe you just want to do a pull-up.
So listen, whatever you are facing today, you can do it scared or uncomfortable.
Follow along with me this year, and I’ll keep you updated on my pull-up goals. I’d love to hear what you’re attempting this year or month or day. We can do it together–scared, brave, excited, confident.
This link will take you to some beautiful images produced by To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA), and I highly recommend you take a look. No matter how we perform or what we do, flowers still grow, birds and balloons still fly, rivers still run, you still matter. Jesus still holds all things together. Find comfort in that with me.
My Reel Recently…
By the way, if you haven’t heard, I’ve launched another publication to focus solely on the integration of faith and psychology. You can check it out here: Kelly's Clinic
All the best and until next time,
Kelly
P.s. If you are local, come to church with me! And if you are local and a runner, let me know!
Thanks for this Kelly! You are an encourager to all who have fallen prey to Satan's deceptive ways of measuring our worth 💖